Another Chance
by star girl8
Summary: I don't know what I was thinking when I named it this... mainly focuses on the four kings or for all you dubbed fans, beryl's generals AU ish. Zoisite is a BOY!
1. prologue

disclaimer- I own nothing but a spoon and this clump of pocket lint  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
..  
  
...  
  
dark..  
  
everything's so dark..  
  
where am I?  
  
*have you ever heard of the term barrier*  
  
what?  
  
*a barrier*  
  
..  
  
yes.. it's..  
  
it's an obstacle  
  
*and..*  
  
a wall..  
  
*but what does it do*  
  
...  
  
protect..  
  
*exactly..*  
  
who are you..  
  
*I am your essence*  
  
my..  
  
*wake up, Zoisite..*  
  
what?  
  
*wake- 


	2. chapter 1

((Nephrite))

-up.. come on Zoi."

It was light out.. not very, but bright enough to see the others. To see them in all of their tattered, broken glory. Kunzite slouched over a few yards away, his head on his knees, Jadeite kneeling down with Zoi's head resting on his lap trying to wake the poor boy up.

And me?

I was leaning against a tree.

I think it was some kind of maple by the smell.. But that's where we were. Surrounded by trees, dozens of them.. and brightly colored flowers too. Granted, they were few in number but they were there none the less.

Funny how after you die, everything gets so romanticized..

One minute you're floating around in a black nothingness, the next you're in a little cove in a nice forest with flowers and trees and little birdies singing and flying around, and you glance over your shoulder and see a bunny hopping and nibbling on clover with little fucking periwinkle flowers on it..

And then you look down and you're still covered in blood.

Only there's more than normal. And some of it you can't even see, but you know it's there because you can feel it. And it wont come off, no matter how much you rub.

The blood on my hands.. our hands, all of ours..

She offered to take it away, to make it disappear.. but it's back. It's god-damn back and it wont leave us (_me_) alone. And it brought the memories back with it. The knowledge that it had gone too far.. too far and we had let it take us. One of us had been dying, yes.. but our prince was alive, and we had betrayed him damn-it!

And we'd left him hung out to dry like the fucking cowards we were.

A faint cough.

Looks like sleeping beauty finally decided to join us.

((Kunzite))

Have you ever woken up with your head feeling like it's going to explode? Not just a headache, or even a migraine.. I mean like it's really going to explode? Like you got hit with a lightening bolt while asleep and the electricity didn't have the decency to kill you. I heard Jadeite complaining about this a few times before, or at least something like it.. I've never been one to drink much, but dear God, if a hangover is anything like this I will never touch a wine glass again.

You know, if you sat and thought about it, this would be remarkably amusing. Seeing me sitting here like this.Me.

The leader of the Shitennou.

The highest king.

Beryl's favorite general, blessed by Metella herself.

I was the best damn-it. I lead the attack on the Moon Kingdom.

Christ..

Lotta fucking good that did me now..

.. Sitting here in the mud, caked in it and God knows what else. Sitting in the middle of nowhere with my three other partners in crime waiting for whatever brought us back in the first place to make itself known and tell us why we're here when we're supposed to be dead.

What I wouldn't give to be back in that oblivion right now. Away from all the bad decisions.

Away from the consequences..

"Oh God,"

Jadeite, I think, he's the only one of us so far to bother verbalizing something. If the rest of them got the same kind of memory-bomb I did, then we all feel like total shit. There was a brief coughing fit which I assumed ment Zoisite had woken up. My assumption was confirmed when I saw him try to move, a drop of blood rolling down his chin from the corner of his mouth.

".. help him roll over.." Lord.. my throat was sore. ".. he'll choke on it." Jadeite, for once, complied without comment. Zoi coughed again, a light splatter of blood. Nephrite seemed to gain interest in the conversation and decided to throw out his two cents.

"Does any one know where we are?"

There was a moment of silence. Jadeite rubbed Zoisite's back as the coughing subsided again. "Earth, I guess.. it's sure as hell not the Dark Kingdom.."

Nephrite pushed himself up, wincing. His uniform muddy and ripped, straight through at the shoulder and still stained with dark green blood even though his shoulder was healed. I'm sure I looked just as bad.

"We need a place to go." he said blatantly. His legs almost gave out. Gripping the bark of a tree next to him, he took a shaky step forward. Jadeite looked up at him. Angry, maybe.. frustrated, probably so.

"I don't understand.." he put his arm under Zoi's shoulder to support him. "Why aren't we dead? Why are we here?" Regaining his balance, Nephrite took a more confident step and let go of the tree.

"The ginzuishou maybe.. Metella could have been reborn.." Jadeite tried to lever Zoisite up more. He adjusted his hold and forced himself up so he was kneeling. The smallest king, still leaning heavily on Jadeite, began to glance around him.

Maybe it was just my pride, but standing up seemed like a good idea.

"If we've been reborn then why do I feel half dead.." To this Nephrite had no reply. He looked over at me. The other followed his gaze. Like I had the answer. I was just as confused about what had happened as they were.

"I think.." eh, felt something pop.. pushing myself up was easier said then done. ".. our bodies are regenerating.." Nephrite rubbed his shoulder.

((Jadeite))

In one's life there will be comedies, there will be tragedies, and there will be coincidences. Life is a brilliant mix of literature. Something so perfect not even Shakespeare himself could write anything that would accurately portray it.

Of course if you ask the actors then it just sucks royal monkey butt.

For example, you wake up one morning in bed absolutely content. It's bright out, you have food in your stomach, and you had sex the night before. Life's just peachy kean for you.

But think about what you put the hooker through.

I mean, God.. you sick fuck..

Or in my case. You're walking around doing your job, zapping energy, you know the deal. Suddenly, out of no where, this girl in a mini skirt pops up, yells something about the moon, and before you know it you've been run over by a plane.

Then your employer decides you weren't doing your job well enough and freezes you in solitary confinment for a few billion years (okay, so not _that_ long) and replaces you with some one who, in the long run, does a much crappier job then you did.

And then the universe collapses.

Well not the universe, but yours. So then you techniclly cease to exist, but since you were never really died your concious of everything. Which, trust me, is worse then the solitary confinment and is really really boring.

But it gets better.

Then you sit up and find yourself, along with some friends, lying in some kind of parky-woods thing.. and one of them is coughing up blood. Added to that, you get a brand spanking new wave of memories.

Oh yeah..

Life's great, isn't it.

In closing, let me just say that I have absolutely no idea what's going on right now.

"How can we be regenerating if we've been reborn under Metella.."

"We can think about that later.." Nephrite closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Doing one of his 'let's consult the stars' dealys. For all I know he could be asking for directions, plotting ways to kill us, or just plain mentally jacking off.

Not that I want to know or anything.

He turned to his left, facing me actually, and began to walk. Kunzite was standing now and talking a few more catious steps of his own. Meanwhile lil'old me is kneeling on the ground supporting the last member of our team who is currently incapable of transporting himself.

"I feel something.. it's.. familier, I've been here before." He paused. It was a long pause, even for him. Like he was waiting for something. He could have turned to me and said 'run with it' for all it mattered. It would have had the same effect.

"Did the 'all-knowing' stars tell you this or did you figure it out yourself.."

He glared at me, but more relaxed then normal. Green light, we may now proceed. The resident jack-ass has given permisson to go. Nephrite took another step before I cleared my throat.

"What about-" Kunzite wordlessly leaned over and picked Zoisite up. Seeing as he'd been re-learning how to walk less than five minutes ago I really can't see how this was a good idea, but when you're superior officer does something it's not your place to question it. Then I get to thinking about one important factor..

It's never stopped me before.

Why break tradition?

"Don't fall."

And with that we left.

We left the protection of our trees and mud. Even better, we're following the lead of a hunch and the guidence of stars.

We are so screwed.


	3. chapter 2

_".. keeps things out... but it also has another meaning. Do you know what the second one is?"_

_".. some one who protects?"_

_"Haha- something like that, yes.. do you want me to tell you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Well.. a true barrier is very rare.."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because they are, now hush and let me finish.."_

_"Hai okaasan.."_

_"Don't slouch love, it's bad for your back.. alright.. sometimes, people are born who are supposed to do important things.." _

_"Like when Kedakai-san saved you from that scary bull."_

_".. Not quite.."_

_"Why? Wasn't that important?"_

_"..I.. I suppose it was, for some people.. now don't look at me like that.. aah, honey, I'm sorry.. alright, okay.. my, we certinly got off topic, didn't we.. do you want me to keep going?... Okay.. When some one is born who'll grow up and do something important for the world they are given a barrier. This is a person born to protect them and make sure they live to do what they're supposed to do.."_

_".. mommy? are you ok?"_

_"Yes dear.. do you know why I'm telling you this?"_

_"..no."_

_".. because you're a barrier sweatheart.."_

_".. How do you know?"_

_".. I want you to promise to be strong, because life is hard.. it will be harder for you then most others. I know it's not fair, but it's in your blood and there's nothing I can do to change it. There will be good as well as bad, but you'll have to find it on your own."_

_"Who am I supposed to protect?"_

_"I'm not sure.."_

_"But how will I protect them?"_

_how will I.._

_how.._

_how.._

_protect them.._

_him.._

_protect him.._

_protect.._

- - - - - -

I'm moving.

Don't know who's carrying me, but I know I'm moving. I don't know where we're going either, but that doesn't really matter. Nothing does anymore. I've lost my usefullness, I'm not needed.

I failed.

I _failed._

I'm given one thing to do and I screw it up. One thing. Gods. Not only that, but I make him hate me. I make all of them hate me. I bet people who don't even know me hate me. Why not, I haven't given them a any reason not too..

I'm worthless.

...

And yet we're still going.

_I'm _still going.

They wont leave me behind. Even if they wanted to, they wont. It's part of the deal. The unbreachable contract we made so, so long ago. At least we thought it was unbreakable, aparently not.

We've broken just about every other part.

Why don't they just finish it off?

Noise.. something, they.. they're..

...

Talking.

They're talking again.

About me.

They don't know what to do with me. Think I've gone under again. I'm not really surprised. It's so cold that my muscles feel paralized. But I'm not. I'm not uncontious really, not catatonic either. I could walk if I really wanted to.

If.

That's the key word.

But I don't.

It would be so much easier to curl up and rott away. I wouldn't be able to bring anymore pain into the lives of the people I care about. The three of them could forget me, after all, our prince already has.. or at least the real me..

...

our prince..

...

my prince

my Endymion

Mamo-chan

Oh God, I'm sorry..

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for coming here, now, when you're finally at peace. When you could make real friends who aren't legally bound to you. When you could marry and grow old with the one you love. I'm sorry I had to be the one bonded to you this way, in life, death, in everything.. at least you don't remember it, I always will.. I'm sorry for attacking (_killing_) you, for delivering you to Beryl..

...

But that means nothing now (_just like everything else_).

Because I'll never be able to tell you..

how much I (_miss_) (_love_) want to see you again.

God, it's so cold here. There's wind now. It seems worse then it should be because I'm wet and muddy, but why did it have to start _now_. Who ever's holding me grips tighter and turns away, trying to block himself from to wind. Whether he ment to protect me or not.. it's still cold. I have the warmth of my carrier, but what I wouldn't give for my cape..

I used to hate it so much..

Why can't it end?

Why can't all of this leave me alone? I've died once, almost twice.. can't fate wash it's hands of me and let me go.. haven't I paid for my crimes? Haven't I finished my penance yet?

I'm just so tired..

.. I just..

...

I just want to go back to sleep and never wake up again.

Is there anything stopping me? Is there really anything here to hold me down?

Yes, if you count the biting cold of the wind, it's been refusing to let me sink into uncontiousness.. At least the ache in my head has dulled to a low throbbing.. So if I can ignore that what's to stop me..

What's to stop me..

...

..

.

- - - - - -

Soft? I'm lying on something soft.. and I'm warm. And the ache is gone.

My eyes flutter open, and I take in a harsh breath at the sudden brightness. The light was on. Why was the light on? I was trying to sleep, since when did I need a- wait..

"Where am I?" I speak out loud, more to assure myself I still can. My voice was hoarse from lack of use, and my throat was dry. There was a pitcher of water and an empty glass on a small stand close by the bed. I had to lean over in order to get it, which is just as well, I should probably know how sore my body was.

The water was room temperature, no clue there how long I'd been out. But it tasted good and I felt a little more energized after drinking some.

The emotional pain.. some of it was gone. It still hurt, but it wasn't as bad. The wave of self-degredation was still lingering, but I didn't want to kill myself anymore. So I think I'm a step up in that catagory.. I wonder how the others faired..

I stood up and looked around for a second before dropping back down onto the bed. If I could see outside I might have been able to recognize something, but there was no window. In fact, the only thing in the room besides myself was the bed, the night stand, a chair, and, of course, the ceiling light.

This was aparently a startling revalation seeing how I remained seated on the bed for another few minutes.

The door wasn't closed all the way, but from what I could see the hallway didn't seem any more pleasent then the room I was in and I still hadn't figured out where I was. Still hoping for a window, I ventured out.

The hall was bare, but, low and behold, there was a window at the end. It was covered in dust and other crud, to dirty to see through, but it was still there. I practiclly tripped myself in my rush to see if it would open. The window itself, with the exception of the dirt, looked in good condition. I ran my fingers along the top to see if there was a lock, squeeked as something pricked one of them sharply, and drew my hand away.

There was a thin splinter, the enterance covered in a small drop of blood. I put one of my nails on the other side and pushed, which only drew more of the red liqued. You'd think being trained in and mastering six different combat techniques would some how overshadow any feeling of queeziness while dealing with something as meanial as this. But somehow the sight of wood uder my skin was mildly disturbing.

Ah well, some things never change.

_"You're such a baby, Suru.."_

_"Am not." _

_"It's just a little-"_

_"It hurt!"_

No. I wont think about him

I refuse to think of him right now.

I adjusted my fingers position and pushed again, the tip of the splinter came out this time. It wasn't much but it was enough to grip with the tips of my nails and pull out. I shook my hand out then sucked on the offended finger. God, I really am a baby..

My attention now back at the window, I decide to abandon my search for a lock. Checking the wood carefully before touching it again, I push up. Nothing. I look at it for a minute then push again. Either I had lost every ounce of strengh I once possesed or the window was nailed shut, but it still didn't budge.

I moved my hands to a different position on the frame and shoved as hard as I could, throwing my weight into it. I was rewarded as the frame squeking harshly, and, finaly conceding to the greater power, moved up.

I crouch down so I'm kneeling in front of the window. Taking a deep breath of fresh air and closing my eyes, I cross my arms on the not so dangerous looking panal of wood and rest my chin on them. I sit there a few peacefull minutes trying to forget everything before openning my eyes again.

I was of course not as prepared to look outside as I thought I was and almost managed to go from kneeling to practiclly falling out of the window when I saw the familier scenery.

No way.

No _way._

Nephrite's mansion!


	4. chapter 3

disclaimer- still don't own anything

- - - - - -

((Nephrite))

It was worn down. The paint was chipping, the wood seemed noticably older, and I think I saw broken glass on the left side. There were weeds _everywhere_, dead pines, some collapsed others still standing. There were tall vines growing up the walls, completely covering some of the windows.. In short, it was a giant crap heap.

But for that moment it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

And I was beaming like an idiot.

"JeSUS, how long has it been since we died!" Jadeite stepped up beside me, laughing half-heartedly at the mansion's misfortune. Trying to keep his humor up. At least he was trying to act normal. I didn't have the strengh to, emotionally or physiclly. Everything just hurt to much.

I couldn't see Kunzite yet, but his footsteps had disapeared, so he must have either stopped behind us or split off. I didn't care to look back. It wouldn't make that much of a diferance if we were all going to collapse into a (_hopefully_) dreamless sleep as soon as we stopped walking. I'm more worried about Zoisite then our fearless leader. His body seemed to have taken the brunt of whatever hit us.

"Congratulations Nephrite.." his voice, he followed after all. ".. you found a dump."

"Hey, it's standing isn't it?" I half-glared. My entire being not quite into the act of reprimanding some one who really has more power then I do. It's not like he was wrong, the place really did look like crap, but it's _mine_. "And it's _not_ a dump.." I mutter to myself. ".. it's beautiful.." Jadeite half snorted, half laughed and started on ahead of me.

"Whatever you say."

We started off again. It was a good hundred yards to the door, so Jadeite hand plenty of time to keep ragging on my house. Sometimes I wonder if he just loves hearing his own voice or if it's just habitual for him to not shut up.

Over the years I've formed an imunity to him and am therefore able to tune his speach out at the drop of

a hat, I think Kunzite has too. But he's come to ignore all of us, with the possable exception of Zoisite, depending on his mood. And of course I've never seen Zoey ignore anyone.

I wonder if my bank account is still up..

The door openned silently as Jadeite pushed it open. No cracking, no squeek, no falling off it's hinges. It contarsted with the house because the door seemed to be in good condition. How disapointing. Jed looked back at me oddly, as if thinking the same thing. I shrug.

Maybe the weather had just been particularly harsh, because as bad as it looked outside, not much seemed to have changed as soon as you went in. The house was pretty empty, there hadn't ever been much of a need to furnish it since I had been the only one there and rarely used anything besides the chapel and my room. But what little was there hadn't seemed to have rotted at all.

I led the way to what used to be, what was still, my sitting room. Like every other room in the house, sparcely decorated but comfortable. Jadeite was imediately poking around the two items of furniture.

"Exactly how much furniture do you have.."

"Not much." The room looked exactly how I'd left it. So no one had found the place and cleaned it out, good. I dropped down on one end of the couch. "Keep in mind, up till about five minutes ago I was the only one living here." Kunzite shifted his weight and hold on Zoisite.

The message was silent, but easy to read. I gave him directions to my bedroom (_my_ bedroom, Zoey _so_ owed me for this), and looked over at my remaining companion as Kunzite quietly exited the room.

Jadeite had decided the couch was comfortable and layed claim to the other half. The man was currently dosing peacefully, curled up on his side on the other end. One arm supporting his head, the other crossing his chest and hanging of the cushen.

I know it sounds tacky, but you've heard that when some one's asleep they look totally different? Like an angel, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Jadeite looks like an angel. He's anything but, and I've known him too long to ever think that. But it did make you forget for a second that he was a frighteningly energetic man, who's only spoken language was sarcasim.

I leaned back, crossing my arms behind my head and gazed up at the ceiling.

Let's review what we know.. we're in Tokyo, and we have aparently been reborn/regeneratied/I don't know what.. I'll have to discuss that with Kunzite later.

As for the things we didn't know.. the date (I'd like to know how long I've been out, thank you), what time it was, and if my company was still intact. If it was still up and running, and they haven't assumed I'm dead, we might actually have a source of income. God help us if we ever have to get real jobs. But what if the senshi are still around, they could label us as enemies again. What would we do then..

The list was endless, but not imposible to figure out. For instance, I'd go down town as soon as I could. It wouldn't be hard to figure out the date there. I could call Yoko (does my cell phone still work?), probably give the poor girl a heart attack, and get information about my investments. As for the senshi.. we'll just have to take that as it comes.

Life seemed to have slowed down for us. There was time to relax. I hadn't sensed even the slightest wisp of Metella's influence, and my memories had dulled out my old desire to murder Zoisite in his sleep..

Maybe there was some hope for us after all.

My memories.

Damn.

Well, there's not much I can do about it. Have to deal with the concequeces. But right now, until everything is worked out, I'm going to swear to myself that I wont think about them. No more brooding or guilt. I have my house, another chance at life, and.. and I have my friends back.. If I can't live for my prince then I'll live for them.

Why should I be depresssed? It wont do me any good.

A light snore brings me back from my thoughts. Jadeite had spread out more, his foot pressing against my thigh with the subcontious message 'if you don't move I'm using your lap as a foot rest.' I slide off the couch slowly and walk around the room to avoid sleep.

"One of us should probably stay with him in case he wakes up." A voice came from the enterance. Kunzite leaned on the frame of the door, his cape was gone. It didn't really have any significance, and I have no idea why the thought came to me. There was probably some sort of symbolism that was eluding me at the moment, or he could have just taken it off because it was ripped and muddy and slowing him down.. you never know.

God. I'm rambling about a cape. Must be more tired then I thought.

He took a step in and ran a hand through him hair, tugging at something, then coming back with what apeared to be a small twig. For a split second an mix of shock and irritation passed over his face. It wasn't much, but it was enough to break the ice that had blanketed the room. I glanced back at Jed for a second before deciding to reply.

"Which one?"

I was rewarded with a small smile as he flicked the twig away. Kunzite looked over at Jadeite who, having fully and haphazardly spread out, was now taking up the entirety of the couch.

"Both I guess," his gaze swept around the room and settled over the other item of furniture. "If it's alright with you, I'd prefer to be upstairs. Either way, we'll both end up sleeping on a chair."

"Right. So I'll wake up by being shoved onto the floor."

"Come now Nephrite, don't be so bitter. He only did that once."

"Yeah, yeah.." He turned and walked back out.

It was childish, I know. But I followed a few yards behind him out of the room. I watched his retreating back until he turned around the corner at the top of the steps. I sigh deeply and rub my eyes.

It was safe to sleep now, I could talk to him in the morning (evening, whatever time it would be when we woke up). I began my not-so-long trek back to the sitting room. The prospect of sleeping sitting upright in a chair wasn't exactly apealing, but there was no chance of getting Jadeite of the couch.

So, unless I wanted to sleep on the floor I didn't have a choice.

Regeneration, if that's really what it was, was exausting. Both physiclly and mentally. I think it took and hour or so to walk here, which would normally be nothing for me, but my limbs were so tired I couldn't stand anymore. I sat down on the chair and, no sooner had I come into contact with the material, my mind blanked.

- - - - - -

I jerk up, eyes wide open, and regreted it imediately. Completely blinded, I wince away from the beam of light hovering over the chair. I squint, block the window out of view and make to stand up. Needles pierce my legs and I drop back down, rubbing the muscles to help the blood flow.

"Itai.."

I stayed that way, hunched over to block the sun, for God only knows how long. The beam moved away inch-by-inch, until it rested over one of the arm rests and was on it's merry way to the other side of the room. I started to sit up when I heard a growling noise.

My stomach.

K'so, that's right. We had to eat now.

I remember keeping a wine cellar, though I only used it once or twice. But was there food? There had to be something lying around, even when we had Metella's powers steaming through us we still had to eat. I rarely used my residence in the Dark Kingdom, and I don't think I ate out for every single meal.

I managed to push myself into a standing position and wobble through the house, holding myself up by leaning on the wall. It took longer then I would have liked to get to the kitchen, but I got there. As I looked around I realized that this was posablly the only well funished room in the house, having multiple counters and cabnets. The room was quite large for a kitchen and there would have been plenty of moving room had I ever actually used it. Away from the "cooking" area was a large rectangular bay window, running lenghwise, about two and a half feet above the floor.

I cruised around for something edible. Knowing that if I actually found any it would probably too old or hard to think of eating, but it couldn't hurt to look. We'd probably end up eating it anyway if we got desperate enough..

The fridge was empty, no surprise there, the stupid thing wasn't even plugged in. But in one of the many cabnets I found a can with no label and a few boxes. I had _no_ idea what was in the can, along with no desire to find out. Maybe I can convince Jadeite to eat whatever it was.. I set it on the counter.

I have better luck with the boxes. One of them had an unopened sleeve of crackers, which, as it turned out, weren't that bad.

So, I ended up walking out of the kichen holding a box of old, but decent, Saltines. Go figure. I don't even remember buying them, hell, I don't really care. When I got back to the room Jadeite was some what awake and looking around groggily.

".. the fuck am I.."

"My house."

"No shit." His eyes focused up on me, then traveled slowly down my arm and to the crackers. Taking a few more out, I gave him the box and sat on the arm of the couch. I was about to suggest saving some for the others, but when I looked back over at him they were almost entirely gone. I reached out, took them back, and was thrown off of my seat in his atempt to retrieve them.

Within seconds, Jadeite was crouched over by the edge of the couch with the crackers. Again. At a certin point I found injuring myself further wasn't worth it and had relinquished the food. After muttering 'jerk' he continued eating.

Aside from the sounds of Jadeite crunching on the crackers, there was a few minutes of blisfull silence as he completely woke up. Kunzite walked in around this time and looked down at us. His hair was a little damp, probably used my shower, the lucky bastard.

He walked over and sat down on the couch without saying anything. I almost got up from the floor but decided that moving was momentarilly over-rated and the floor was more comfortable. Jadeite shook that crumbs from the bag onto his hand and dropped them in his mouth.

We sat in silence. There really wasn't much to say besides our guesses on what was going on. It wasn't bad at first. Just eachother's company was enough. But after a time, the quiet became increasingly uncomfortable, and I felt the urge to break the quiet, so I spoke.

"Is Zoisite awake?"

A minute for the words to sink in.

"No," Kunzite rubs his temples. "I don't think he will for a few more hours actually." He traced a seam on the couch. "It hit him a lot harder then us. He's recovering slower." A brief pause, barely a heartbeat but it felt like a lot longer. "Have either of you felt Metella's presence?" And it comes out. I glance over at Jadeite, who just shakes his head .

"I haven't felt a thing."

"Same."

"We should ask Zoisite when he does wake," Kunzite tapped his finger. "It had the strongest hold on him." He tappered off, the last phrase hardly distinguishable from our breathing. There was another pause, each of us facing the troment of our own minds. Jadeite looked from Kunzite to me and back with an expression remarkably like a like a lost child's. He was the one to first voice the question that had been haunting us since we'd awakened.

"Do you think we're free?"

The question hung in the air.

"I'm not sure." Kunzite closed his eyes. "I don't know what we should do either. Until we find out the truth we might as well hide out.." Jadeite leaned back on the base of the couch and looked up at him. His brows knit together with a hint of irritation.

"We do nothing.." Kunzite openned his eyes and looked at Jadeite, who was still gazing up at him.

"No, we wait."

"I hate waiting."

The conversation dropped. Kunzite leaned back and closed his eyes again, he rubbed his forehead as if to nurse an on-coming headache.

"D-demo.. we're going to need food." Kunzite looked over at me, Jadeite glanced at the empty cracker bag. "There's nothing left.. and, I'm not sure if the referidgerator still works." The white haired man sighed and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Some things are more important then food.." he repremanded lightly, but let it slid. All of us secretly relieved to be off of the topic. Jadeite kicked at the plastic bag and watched it scoot about an inch and settle back down.

"One of us should go get something.."

"I'll go," resting my arm on the side of the couch, I started to stand up. "I'm pretty sure I can dig up some cash, and one of my cars should still work. After all, the damage outside looks mostly like it's from the weather." Both their eyes followed me to the door.

"I'm going up to find a change of cloths and shower first." I offered. "There's a closet full of them upstairs, you can borrow some when I'm finished. But I don't know if they'll fit you." Kunzite nodded and waved his hand, signaling dismisal. I bowed my head and left.

I climbed slowly up the steps slowly. Going one at a time when I normally would have taken two or three. There wasn't a real need to rush was there? It's not like we were all starving. Besides, I might as well think about what I was going to get. It was never my job to plan meals before, so I hadn't the slightest idea where to start (once again, Zoi owes me..).

Making a mental note to grab some cleaning supplies, I pushed the door open to my room. I stopped as soon as I walked in. Right.. right, Zoey was still sleeping. I almost forgot about that.

If what Kunzite had said about him being deep under then it wouldn't make a difference if I'd shoved over the table next to the bed, but it couldn't hurt to be considerate. Being carefull not to make much noise, I grabbed a clean set of pants and a shirt and slipped into the bathroom. Throwing them over stool by the wall, and turning on the water. After a moment, the air in the room was warm and humid with the steam.

The mirror fogged up, which was good, because I really didn't want to see how bad I looked at the momment.

The dirt-covered, bloody uniform stuck to my skin as I stripped it off, how I'd managed to sleep in it I'll never know. I stepped into the shower.

The hot water felt absolutely wonderful.

I brushed off a rivilet of dirty water running down my shoulder and reached my arms up so they were completely covered in the spray. I stood like that, letting the what dirt hadn't rubbed off onto the chair wash off, and stepped under the water directly.

Running my hands through my hair several times, I squinted through the running water in search of the shampoo. I grabbed the bottle, squirted some onto my hand, worked the lather into my hair, and repeated the process.

When the last of the shampoo washed out I grabbed the soap and worked on cleaning the rest of my body.

I reached down and turned the water off, but stood under the shower head until the last of it dripped out.

Thank God the water still works.

I shivered as I stepped out into the open air, grabbing for a towel and drying off. The heat from the water already starting to fade. Finally gathering th courage to look in the mirror, I wrapped the towel around my waist and stepped up to it. I rubbed the mirror with a hand towel and turned so I could examine the knotted brown mess on my head that had formally been my hair.

"Well, there's not _too_ much damage." I muttered, digging around for a brush. It wasn't until I'd managed to make myself look somewhat presentable when a sense of familiarity sank in.

_"Baka, come on.. let me help.."_

_"Iie, I can do it myself."_

_"God, we're absolutely filthy!"_

_"Ri-chan, you've got a leaf in your hair, stop moving.."_

Any relaxation I'd felt in the warmth of that humid room fell away. The tension began to inch back into my muscles as I shook the thought from my head. It wouldn't do me any good. Just finish up, get your butt outside, and buy some food.

I threw on my cloths and was buttoning the shirt when I remembered I hadn't brought any normal shoes in with me. With a shrug I openned the door and burrowed around the closet. Zoisite shifted in bed but didn't wake as I stood up.

What struck me was that his hair was down, the band sitting on the small bedside table next to a pitcher filled with water and a cup. His hair was brushed and cared for, but hadn't he been sleeping?

Did Kunzite..?

"Gomen, I'm going to need this.." I took the elastic band from the table and winked at the sleeping figure. Then stepped back out into the hall and, borrowing Zoisite hairstyle as well as the hairband, pulled it back into a loose ponytail.

In the midst of searching for tennis shoes (only to find i didn't have any), I'd dug up one of my wallets with a fifty, a ten, and some smaller bills. Along with a set of car keys. From the shape, I think they're for my convertable.

"W-wait!"

I looked behind me and saw Jadeite jogging after me.

He too had taken a shower, it must have been a quick one if he'd managed to meet me down here. His wet hair hung in his face, obscuring some of his right eye. He was still wearing his uniform pants, although they looked a lot cleaner and no worse for wear, along with one of my button up shirts, the sleaves rolled up to his elbows. I hung back to wait for him.

It didn't take long, and we were soon walking side by side. I'd half expected him to speak right off the bat, he normally does, but we traveled in silence. It seemed like he'd escaped Kunzite's silent, thinking presence, which had always driven him insane, to be in my company before I left. I found that I didn't mind the thought. We'd gone through too much crap recently to be alone.

The walk to the garrage wasn't a long one. We didn't even have to go outside, it connected through the empty room by what might have been a patio. Still, nothing was said as we entered to garage. I pulled out the keys that I'd managed to find and unlocked the door. Yep. Right car.

"Gomen.. Nephrite?"

"Ne?" I turned and looked back at him. Jadeite shifted uncomfortably and pushed the sleeve that had managed to slid lower back up to his elbow.

"Should we.." he stopped, searching for the right words, shook his head lightly and continued. "should we do something?"

"Well," I paused thoughfully. "You can see if you can get the fridge to work.." The change was instintanious. He smiled brightly and practiclly bounced back into the house. As long as he had something productive to do he was happy.

He hadn't changed at all.

I slid into the convertable and turned the keys. Thanking what ever God there was when the engine turned over without a hitch. I dialed Yoko's number in my car phone and started pulling out. According to the screen it was 10:46, so if the company was still up then some one should answer the phone.

About five rings later, when I was about to hang up, a familier voice came on the line with the typical 'may-I-help-you' routine.

_Yes_!

I'm still rich!

"Hello Yoko, great to hear you're voice again."

"San..Sanjouin! But you-"

"Yes dear, it's me. Could you do me a big favor and fax the past month's reports to my home?"


	5. chapter 4

disclaimner- I still own the lint, but have since bartered my spoon for a case of ticktacks.

kunzite

I was sick-sick unto death with that long agony; and

when they at lengh unbound me, and I was permitted

to sit, I felt that my senses were leaving me. The

sentance- the dread sentance of death-was the last of

distinct accentuation which reached my ears. After that,

the sound of the inquisitorial voices seemed merged in

one dreamy indeterminate hum. It conveyed to my soul

the idea of _revolution_- prehaps from it's association in

fancy with the burr of a mill-wheel. This only for a brief

period; for presently I heard no more. Yet, for a while, I

saw; but with how terrible an exageration! I saw the lips

of the black-robed judges. They appeared to me white-

whiter then the sheet upon which I trace these words- and

thin even to grotesqueness; thin with the intensity of their

expression of firmness- of immoveable resolution- of

stern contempt of human torture. I saw the decrees

of what to me was Fate, were still issuing from those

lips. I saw them writhe with a deadly locution. I saw

them fashion the syllables of my name; and I shuddered

because no sound succeeded. I saw, too, for a few

minutes of delirious horror, the soft, near imperceptible

waving of the sable draperies which enwrapped

the walls of the appartment. And then my vision fell upon

the seven tall candles upon the table. At first they wore

the aspect of charity, and seemed white slendor angels

who would save me; but then, all at once, there came a

most deadly nausea over my spirit, and I felt every fibre

in my frame thrill as if I had touched the wire of a

galvanic battery, while the angel forms became meaning-

less spectres, with heads of flame, and I saw that from

them there would be no help. And then there stole into

my fancy, like a rich musical note, the thought of what

sweet rest there must be in the grave. The thought came

gently and stealthily, and it seemed long before it at-

tained full appreciation; but just as my spirit came at

lengh properly to feel and entertain it, the figures of the

judges vanished, as if magiclly, from before me; the tall

candles sank into nothingness; their flames went out

utterly; the blackness of darkness supervened; all sensa-

tions appeared swallowed up in a mad rushing descent as

of the soul into Hades. Then silence, and stillness, and

night were the universe.

The Pit and the Pendulum

Edgar Allan Poe

I've never really enjoyed reading. It has no real meaning for me. Comes from too much research, I suppose. But even so, if there's any place you're likely to find me it will be a liberary.

It's never caught me as an outlet for life, like it is for some people. Along with music, and the arts, and talking with people about nothing in general. Just simple, trivial, mindless things.

And yet..

They say, they say that everyone has some thing. That everyone needs some thing to take them outside of themselves and give them a chance to breathe.

I wont deny this.

Everyone seems to have that some thing.

Nephrite has his astrology, his ability to debate, his company and employies. His absolute pig-headedness when it came to things he's passionate about.

Jadeite has his humor, his popularity. His ability to walk up to perfect strangers and within five minutes know their entire life story.

Zoisite has music, and language, and everything that one wouldn't associate with a high-ranking officer of the Dark Kingdom (_of any military_).

And me.

What do I have.

I've had people tell me I'm elequent. I've had people tell me I'm the epitamy of evil. I believe Jadeite told me once at a banquent that I have a proverbial stick that I needed to pull out of my ass once in a while and learn to let go.

But I hardly know what to think of myself.

The last time I remember having any sort of identity was as a child.

Maybe that's why I picked up _this_ book. It was dark, yes, but it wasn't a history, it was fiction. And that's something I've never read before. At least this damned story had a personality.

If you thought about it enough, it made sense. I was reading a story about a man being slowly driven insane.

Maybe there's more symbolism in me reading this then I'd first thought.

After all, sitting alone mulling over memories such as mine would, to a point, drive any one insane. And hasn't that been what I was doing for the last hour or so? Sitting here moping? Moping enough that the first book I picked up (_quite randomly, I might add. To say this was one of the few books that caught my attention would be a lie. A blatent lie. And a bad one at that_) would reflect my mood.

The very first book I saw when I'd walked into find the liberary..

I asumed it was a liberary at least, you never know. It could just be a room which happens to have a lot of books in it. For some one who barely ever reads, Nephrite has a surprisingly large collection.. maybe he just has a habit of collecting things he doesn't need or use. That would certinly explain his kitchen.

But if that was the case he'd probably have furnature, ne?

I let my arm slip off the arm rest and dropped the book onto the floor. It's not even like they were organized in any specific order. Strewn about the room, some of the on shelves, some on tables.. I wonder if he did this purposely or if there was a series of earthquakes recently.

I'd half expected it to be remotely organized..

Shows you what I know.

Speaking of Nephrite, how long did it take to go to the store- or where ever he was going. He gave me the impression it wouldn't take more then an hour..

If I didn't know him I might be remotely worried.

But Nephrite was Nephrite. When he finds something of intrest he'll pursue it to the bitter end.. that might be why he's been a bit more successfull then the rest of us..

I wonder if he ran into that mor- that girl, we're mortal now too.. why does that feel so strange- what was her name, Nara, Nari, something like that. For all I know he could be gone the entire day.

Which could be a good or a bad thing.

It gives me time to stew in my thoughts. Not that it did me much good, but one of us should keep them on mind.

_even if it hurt_

Jadeite had bounced, for lack of a better word, over to me earlier and informed me he was on a mission to fix the kitchen and clear out as much of the yard as posible before the benevolent master of the house returned.

He offered me the honor of accompaning him, which I politely declined, then exited the room in much the same way he'd entered. I'd have to find out later whether or not he'd come anywhere close to finishing his task before losing intrest.

I'd really like to know where he gets that unrelenting supply of engery..

Zoisite was..

Zoisite.

Damn.

I should go check on-

"Kunzite-sama?"

zoisite

He didn't know I was there.

Sitting silently. Not at all his usual composed self. He didn't have to be when no one was watching. One arm hanging limply, the other cradling his forehead. Just sitting. Lost in thought. Whether it was doing him any good, I don't know.. but it was (_it seemed to be_) a moment of peace.

And if I moved it would disturb everything.

I'd been walking by the liberary when I heard a book drop.

I didn't exactly know what it was at first, but it's really not hard to figure out what room you're in when you open the door and there are books lieing in every possible corner. The noise hadn't even been that loud, a gentle thud, something against carpet.

I probably wouldn't have even noticed it if I was so edgy.

But I was.

And I was alone.

And I hate being alone.

There.. there is always, of course, the chance that I had imagined the entire thing.

That I hadn't heard anything at all. I mean, I'd been looking for the others.. I could have just felt his presence.

Or was I just that desperate..

This wouldn't have been the first time. For sub-conciously making up sounds or actions, I mean. At least, that's what people have told me.

But either way -noise or not- he was there. When I openned the door and saw him my heart lept. All of my thoughts and delerious musings were pushed away. It didn't matter what room we were in, what we had done, what we would go through.. It didn't matter that less then twenty-four hours ago I'd been wishing for death..

I feel I'm repeating myself..

I'd said before that nothing mattered anymore. That nothing had any worth to me. In a way, that still applied.. but I'd found a loop hole. Because I lied. I _lied_. Because I'd forgotten. Because in my self-loathing and hate, in _remembering_.. I'd forgotten.

I'd forgotten to be thankfull. For the good memories. For my friends. For the fact that they _hadn't_ abandoned me. The fact that we were together. After all we'd done, we were _still together_.

For another chance.

And In that brief momment, when I first looked in, I found my strengh.

All that mattered was he was there.

And for that I loved him.


	6. chapter 5

disclaimner- my ticktacks! mine! you can't have them!

Zoisite

My first inclination was to run over the piles of books and throw my arms around his neck.

It wasn't the smartest way to greet him. He was probably on edge, which ment he was dangerous. Even if the influence was gone (_it's not, I know it's not_) he was still dangerous. He almost reminded me of...

The thing was, I remember greeting him like that before. But now wasn't before. There's no way for me to know how he'd react.

I don't even know what he thinks of me now.

I had to force myself to breath when I stepped out of the doorway and into the room. The feeling of shattering the peace, if that's what it truly was, hurt. I had no right to interrupt him, but I couldn't stand being alone any more.

I decided to apologize later.

"Kunzite-sama?"

His head jerked up. His mouth open for a second as he looked at me, but only just, he recovered quickly and sheilded his emotions with much practiced ease. Damnit, I thought he knew he didn't have to do that with me.

There was a moment of nothing. Neither of us knew what to say next.

"You're awake.."

I nodded.

".. how long?"

"Maybe an hour.." I shrugged. He looked away, resting his chin on his fist for a second, and then stood up. I walked a few more feet into the room. Kunzite just stood for a bit, then made a semi-circle around his chair and walked to the window seat.

He rested his knee on the padded edge of the seat and looked out.

"I told Nephrite that one of us should be there when you woke up.." he looked over, cold exterior gone, a half-hearted smile passed over his face. "To give you an update, tell you what we've figured out.." I walked closer, my arms crossed behind my back, and tilted my head to the side.

"That would be why I woke up alone and utterly confused?"

He glanced back at me, then looked toward the window again. There was a nod, and what I hope was the begining of laughter. He needed to laugh more often.

"You're dropping the ball Kunzite."

"Hai, hai.. sorry about that.."

I was standing right beside him now. His gaze still fixated by something outside. Crawling up onto the seat, I looked out, trying to find what was so interesting.

What I saw wasn't so much as interesting as it was funny. Dutfully totting fallen limbs around the yard was Jadeite. Smudged with dirt, and beaming. He dropped his armload into a large pile and went off to presumably find another. I rested my hand against the glass and watched him untill he was out of the range of the window.

The wind hit the window and the house, causing it to creak. For a second it almost felt like the house was swaying. I closed my eyes.

The scent of apple blossoms filled my mind. The rustle of leaves, the scraping noises of some one walking. There was a soft giggle beside me, and then some one below called out-

I openned my eyes and wiped at them furiously.

damnit

Focus back out the window.

Jadeite was back with a slightly smaller load, and another coat of dirt. Still plodding around doing.. doing something. Organizing the yard maybe? Kunzite turned to me.

"What do you suppose he's doing?"

"You're guess is as good as mine." I followed him to the other side of the window as he repeated his earlier action and crossed the yard again. "But he looks like he's enjoying himself again."

We watched a bit longer before any conversation resumed.

The topic wasn't pleasent. I really had no desire to know what happened. It happened, that's it.. but they did want to know. They did and had pieced together what they could with out me. So I had to know.

So I could help them.

Either way, anything was better then the silence that left me alone in my thoughts. They hurt. Even the good ones. Anything to keep them away.

"You said you ment to explain some thing.." I think he looked over at me, but my gaze was still riveted out side. He took a minute to collect his thoughts.

"It's safe to assume you know what I ment when I said there was an explaination.." I nodded, eyes still focused outside. "Good, that will save some time.." he stopped. There was a tapping and I allowed myself to glance over just long enough to see him stop tapping the window frame.

He was restless too.

"It's not much." he stopped again, looked down at the cusions, then back out the window. I let my eyes wander to his profile. His brow creased in frustration.

"None of us- Jadeite, Nephrite, or I- have been able to sense Metella's presence. We don't know if we've been freed, or if it's just being blocked." I nodded, my eyes falling back to Jadeite. His movements becoming a kind of comfort. "There's not much we can do as of yet, besides wait..

Nephrite aparently still has connections, so we'll have food, a source of income.. he'll have somthing to do. As you can see, Jadeite's found himself a job. So we'll just have to occupy ourselves for the time being." I traced my finger on the window pane, eyes still on Jadeite.

He kept talking. It was a deep, soothing noise. But I was out. I didn't understand a single word, and he knew it. And he knew I needed it. When I think of some one rambling on about nothing I think of Jadeite, or myself, but not Kunzite.

He was being so out of character, talking to me like this.

I caught parts of words.. rain.. brush.. something about Jadeite.. not enough to make any sense, but it didn't matter. I closed my eyes again and listened to his voice.

"I wont do it."

He stopped.

"Not yet."

I openned my eyes again and blinked. It took a minute for me to realize I was the one who spoke. He didn't look at me, didn't accept my answer.

I tapped the glass now, it was my turn to fidget, searching for some thing else to fill the silence. Because if we were going to talk about anything now I would have to start it. I'd lost my comfort with my outburst.

"Where's Nephrite?"

"Supposedly buying food." He turned and sat down next to me, stretching his legs out. I gave him a minute before replying.

"Him?"

A snort. "Yes, him. He's not completely incompetent."

"You haven't seen him in a kitchen."

"Well maybe you should have woken up sooner. Then we wouldn't be in this mess." Our eyes met, there was another wisp of a smile and he looked over his shoulder and back out the window. I shook my head, scowling lightly.

"We're going to be eating frozen pizza and beer for the next week, I know it."

I turned back, but the familier motion had stopped. Jadeite had turned and was looking up in our direction. He squinted and shielded his eyes. I'd been sure he'd seen us until something else caused him to look away. His words weren't loud enough to be heard through the closed window, but he mouthed some thing and walked out of sight, waving.

"Nephrite must be home.."

His tone was low, with a certain aprehension in it. There must have been some thing he'd been meaning to do before the return. I knew what it was by the expression on his face when he looked over at me. I met his stare, countering it.

He stood up from the ledge and walked back over to the chair he'd been sitting on earlier. Running a hand through his hair, he picked up a book lying on the floor, looked at the cover for a momment, then set it down on the arm of the chair.

There was so much silence in our lives now.

So much.

I'd known them so long, and there were still those momments when you feel like a complete stranger to every one else in the room. I think I hate those momments more then I hate being alone.

He let himself slowly sink down into the chair. I stepped closer to him. Away from the window.

He reached out and I, now close enough, took his hand, knelt on the floor beside him. I leaned down and rested on his lap without thinking, crossing my arms and leaning my head on them. Kunzite ran his hand over my hair, a subconscious habit maybe, but it was nice.

"Gomen.." The stroking stopped. I gathered enough courage to glance up. Kunzite had just barely tilted his head to the side, some of his hair falling out of place and running down along his cheekbone. His bangs, longer then I seem to remember, blocked half of his left eye from view.

"For what?"

"It's not important.." I muttered resting my head down again, offering a faint smile. I reach up to flick the forelock out of his line of vision. "I'm just sorry.."

Kunzite caught my hand in his and rested it against his cheek. And graced me with a faint, but genuine, smile.

Nothing else was said. It didn't need to be. He let go of my hand and I tucked it back under my other arm, still leaning on them and still looking up at him. The silence didn't bother me this time. It should have, it should have because what I was re-living was the dark part of my life. I didn't want that. I didn't.

But it..

It was so comforting.

We sat there like that for a few minutes before there was a call from some where else in the house.

He was technically the first to move. A few muscles in his legs tensed, he was thinking about answering the call. I pushed away, resting my right arm on the chair to help, and hauled myself up to a standing postition. When I looked over he was already standing.

The call sounded again. Only this time it wasn't really a call, it was a conversation. One that sounded pleasent, which was a tone I didn't remember hearing between us in years.

"We should go."

"Hai.."

I started forward, preparing myself for the change in light once I stepped outside of the liberary. Even with the curtains pulled back it was still dark.

".. Zoisite.." I stopped just short of the doorway. "what you said earlier, about being sorry.."

"Ne?" I turned back, half expecting to be repremanded. My eyes widened as I felt his arm snake around my waist, pulling me up to him. His lips pressed against me forehead briefly and then I felt the heat of his breath by my ear.

"Don't be." A warm tingling sensation ran through my body. But just as soon as it was there it was gone and he was walking out of the room.


	7. author's note

OK, so after being bombarded by life and having my muses run out on me.. I think I might finally have a bearing on things again.

I've gotten to a point where I feel like I'm completely switching moods, so I'm reviewing what I already have written for the next chapter (which is, surprisingly, a great deal).. then all I have to do is connect some specific clips and I'm done.

The outlines for the next few chapters already exist. So as long as I have any amount of free time it shouldn't take me more then a week or so to crank another one out. But don't have your hearts set on that.. I'm doing my best.

Much love!

Reviews are still appriciated!

star girl


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